RECAP
The group made their way along the mountain pass and ravine while following the general course laid out to them that leads to their destination. The journey started out quietly enough, with few interruptions to our daily walks and camp setup. We kept watch and went about our business. At one point, we spotted wolves following us, but thought nothing of it since we were in the wilderness.
A couple nights in, we noticed a Dire Wolf watching us from an elevated path along the mountains several miles off. Beorn and Mugrun armored up and boosted themselves psionically respectively to prepare for a fight. We walked for several miles and as we got closer to the wolf's position, it let out a great howl. Beorn decided he was going to head straight for the Dire Wolf and attack it. Mugrun advised against it and Frederick encouraged it, in the hopes that Beorn would get eaten. Turns out, we didn't have to decide, because the great howl was a battle cry. We were assaulted by three wolves who snuck up on us from behind our cart. The battle was relatively quick since everyone was prepared for a fight. Mugrun made quick work of one with his hammer and Frederick put the other two to sleep. Once asleep, they were finished off for good. The Dire Wolf let out another howl and fled into the wooded area behind the clearing on the mountainside.
We dusted ourselves off and continued our journey. We came across a Barbarian encampment at one point, but they only watched cautiously as we passed by. We didn't bother to interact with them. It was about this time that we saw the great wall of Nomagrok off in the distance. Legend has it that it was built by Drunnbar himself. Seeing as it was about 30 miles off, we decided to camp again and finish our trek in the morning. We needed to pass through this portion of the mountain in order to get where we were going.
The next day, we made our way to the wall entrance and noticed three large portcullis' leading into the area behind the wall. One portcullis on each side of the river and a third that covered the width of the river. There was a great commotion at the entrance points, despite each portcullis already being opened. Once we got closer, we saw dozens of Barbarians dressed in leathers and warpaint crowding the area and crawling all over each portcullis. It was at this point that one stepped out from behind the entrance and confronted us, declaring we pay a tithe to enter the area.
Seeing as we were all bickering and insulting each other during the walk, as per usual, we were in no mood to be issued demands. Beorn stepped forward and asked what the price of admission would be and the answer was magic items. With that, Frederick unleashed a Torrent of Tears on the Barbarian and threw him into a fit of hysterical sobbing that sickened and blinded him. He staggered off trying to get away, but was met with the business end of our weapons. Beorn even handed his whore an axe and commanded her to attack. To our surprise, she landed a respectable blow, but was quickly taken down by a barrage of arrows from the Barbarian bowmen.
Seeing his plaything go down, and not in the fun way, Beorn erupted into a fit of rage and declared that each and every Barbarian responsible would die for their transgressions. We wasted no time in assaulting the sickened Barbarian until he was out of the fight, then a menacing Barbarian entered the left portcullis entrance where we approached and threatened us with a greatsword, all the wile identifying as the tribe leader. Frederick tried to Hold Person, but it quickly became apparent there was an anti-magic aura under each portcullis for the length of the wall. Odde then took the Rothe off its hitch and we all flipped the cart to gain cover from the archers. Mugrun and Beorn both enlarged themselves and took the brunt of the arrows, but they mostly bounced off like bugs on a windshield thanks to cleverly calculated high AC's. We got Beorn's whore to cover and she began wrapping her wounds to stop the bleeding. She only made it so far before passing out from blood loss. Needless to say, Beorn didn't approve of this, so he sang a tune of revenge and slaughter. Frederick would never admit it out loud, but he found it catchy and reluctantly became inspired.
Beorn charged the greatword wielding Barbarian and engaged in combat. He hit him ferociously and continued to pursue him beyond the gated entrance. Once inside the area beyond the wall, the anti-magic barrier was lifted and Beorn finished the Barbarian champion with an axe to the spinal chord. He then made his way back to the the rest of the group.
After Odde and Frederick repositioned behind the cart for cover, another Barbarian came out of what looked like a birdcage hanging from the center portcullis. He pulled out some chicken bones and a plume of flame erupted behind the cart. This set those there ablaze and officially knocked out the whore. The Rothe was significantly damaged. Once revealed as a Shaman, he made his way out to where the group was and continued to prepare ghostly requests to harm us.
The bad news was the fire, but the good news was that the Shaman foolishly stepped beyond the anti-magic barrier to assault us. Well, things got real ugly after that point. First, Frederick trapped him with a Hold Person, then he met the sharp sting of Beorn's axe. After a beatdown, he tried to flee, but was tackled by Beorn and eventually beaten unconscious.
In the meantime, Mugrun was fending off arrows when the leader's lieutenant stepped forward with a mace and engaged in combat with him. This was last mistake he ever made. Mugrun proceeded to put on a clinic with his warhammer and pounded him to a finely needed dough. As irony would have it, that dough made the perfect primer for a psychic pretzel. After being twisted and mangled into a writhing lump, Mugrun teed up and swung for the greens all across his skull. The thud echoed across the valley and through the river. This gave many of the other Barbarians pause as they let out a combination of awed gasps and screams of terror. Half the tribe fled at that point.
Once the leader, lieutenant, and Shaman were silenced, Beorn yelled out to the Barbarians that no more need die today and demanded that someone come out to negotiate for the Shaman's life. Another Barbarian reluctantly spoke up and asked what we want. Beorn, being who he is, asked if they deal in slaves or servants. They agreed that they would be willing to trade for a captive member of a rival tribe (the Deer Tribe) for the Shaman. As Beorn's scumbag luck would have it, the captive was a 14 year old Barbarian girl who is skilled in domestic chores and alchemy. Beorn decided this would be acceptable and told everyone he would free her from slavery and train her as an "apprentice." At this comment, Mugrun nearly pissed himself and broke into a gale of contagious laughter. He was equally amused and repulsed by the thought of someone handing over a child to Beorn for grooming. Beorn vehemently argued that the "apprenticeship" would consist only of domestic chores and other mundane activities like setting up camp and whatnot. Naturally, nobody believes Beorn's intentions are true, however, he's just as racist as Frederick and isn't attracted to humans generally. The Barbarians agreed to the trade and Beorn proceeded to tell the girl we would get her back to her tribe in the South once we were done with our mission. He commissioned his whore to "train" the girl in a domestic capacity.
We then met with another tribe, the one we passed by earlier in our travels, and they thanked us for dealing with the Barbarian thugs. They were positioned on the other side of the river and holed up in fear of being extorted at the gates. They sent a representative to meet with us who swam across the river. He questioned our motives, but Beorn, with his freakish molester's charm, was able to convince the Barbarian that his intentions were noble and that he "freed this girl from slavery and oppression." Unable to find any fault in his logic, the Barbarian ceased questioning us any further and even agreed to send over a healer and some supplies for our journey. An old Cleric rode over on a canoe and healed everyone, then they gave us some skins and leathers for the girl so she could make clothing. They even parted with a large wineskin of grain alcohol which Mugrun chugged in a single gulp. Mugrun told us he needed to forget the atrocity of acquiring a sex slave and wandered off to right the cart and reattach the Rothe with Odde.
After the dust and blood settled, Beorn proceeded to gloat of his victory and proclaimed he was the savior of these Barbarians and the liberator of slaves. He made sure to repeat his full name to anyone and everyone who would listen so they could weave a tale of his greatness for generations. The Barbarians looked stunned, but seemed to take heed.
So, that's where we left off. Just when you thought Beorn's debauchery could sink no lower, he finds a way to lawfully acquire a teenage sex slave. We came to the conclusion that a new school of magic needs to be developed. It's name...Pimpomancy. You missed a very entertaining session.
